I have been thinking about this blog and the fact that I am going to use it this year to help me reach my goal of going a year without drinking. I have done this before, and in spite of what I said in my previous post, it is important to me that I am not just regurgitating what I said 6 years ago. I honestly can’t remember much of what I said and perhaps I should revisit my 2015 self in order to find out what I can’t write about this time. Then again, maybe it’s the similarities that will bring greater insight or progress … like the depth of understanding that can only come from re-visiting a concept repeatedly.
I probably will go back and read my old blog – but not today.
Today I am going to focus on the why. Why did I choose to take a break from drinking? Why now? Why one year?
To be honest, I’m really not sure. I just want to.
And I guess there isn’t one sole reason for taking a break. I think a lot of little things happened that lead to me making this decision.
Number one: I read something.
A dear friend of mine gave me her copy of This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I read it with an open mind and I empathised with Annie’s story. I could identify with some of the themes she addressed in her book and I felt like there was some good research-based strategies embedded. It wasn’t immediately life-altering. I didn’t have an epiphany, but a lot of what she wrote has stayed with me; which I think was her intention. The book was written to gradually challenge the reader’s beliefs about alcohol so that by the end, readers wouldn’t want to drink so much, or (ideally) ever again. This was not my experience, but a seed was planted.
Number two: I watched something.
I loved this. It was funny and personal but it also craftily held up a mirror to Australia’s drinking culture. If you haven’t seen it, I encourage you to watch the series. It’s only three episodes and I promise, at the very least, you will be entertained.
There is something powerful in a comedian ‘coming out’ as a teetotaller – people’s beliefs of non-drinkers in general begin to shift. This concept of sobriety being only for the boring or overly religious, or ‘weirdos’ is undermined. The documentary struck a chord in me. I feel like it affirmed many things I had observed in myself and my community, and legitimised many of my opinions by agreeing with/voicing them. It also challenged me and taught me a lot about dangerous levels of drinking, and just how low that level is, in the most fascinating and non-judgemental way. It was really very well done.
Number three: I watched something else.
I have to admit I felt voyeuristic watching this. I was completely captivated by the life stories of these subjects – but I was also incredibly humbled by their honesty and bravery. Knowing what I do about the small screen and what happens to everyday people when their anonymity is diminished – even a little bit – I was filled with awe for these people and their ability to be so vulnerable. I truly hope that this documentary changes people’s lives, even if it just helps someone have more empathy for people living with addiction …. remove some of the stigma.
It was a bit of a risk, watching this documentary as well. If I had approached it with the intention of using it as a yardstick to measure whether I myself have an alcohol addiction, then I would probably have my drinking habits galvanised. The quantities of consumption, along with the reasons for such high levels of drinking are not something that I could relate to, but I am glad I watched it from an educational perspective. This is not me … but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be. I really connected with the humanity in this documentary and recommend viewing.
SBS on demand – four episodes. Compelling TV.
Yeah, but why?
I guess it really started with that seed planted by Annie Grace. She really achieved what she set out to in this reader – to challenge what I believed to be true about alcohol. Even though it didn’t happen by the time I completed the book and even though she never really addressed the motive of my drinking specifically (or told me how to fix it), reading the book opened my mind to the possibility that drinking isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. That maybe we need to hold this culture of drinking in Australia to greater scrutiny.
I don’t know for sure, of course (I don’t have the luxury of going back in time), but I wonder if I’d view the two documentary series in the same light if I hadn’t first read that book. It probably doesn’t even matter. I’m glad I read it, I’m glad I watched those episodes and I’m glad I’m taking a year off drinking.
So maybe “Yeah, but why?” doesn’t matter.
It is.
I am.
So what?
Wide in Tights 